#17: Agni Kai

I had Gizmo tied up quickly by my Fire Nation ranks and kept her there under the guard of my saxophone section. Just as I was about to return to the battle, demon scorpion children of the corn emerged from the ground much like that scorpion transformer from the first Transformers movie.

“Band-attack-hut!” I cried. “We can’t let her escape!”

Then the Fire Nation attacked. 

My saxophones and I put everything into our attacks. We even did a synchronized jump in blast. Still, a demon scorpion child of the corn managed to slip through our ranks and cut the ropes from its master. Gizmo hopped aboard her demon scorpion child and took off into the center of the praying mantis baby army.

“Aang! I borrowing Appa!” I called.

“What?” Aang replied, too busy helping Katara and Sokka fight off praying mantis babies.

I took that as a yes and climbed aboard. “Appa – yip, yip!” I cried before Aang could stop me. With a great flip of his tail, Appa launched into the sky.

From above, I could see that Hannah was battling the newcomer Anne in a fight of telepathy and lightning. Mitch and Mrs. Stone were locked in a swirl of light sabers and sacks of children. Every now and again, Mrs. Stone would open up the sack and chuck a child at Mitch, who would then have to use the force to throw the kids out of harm’s way. Jon was locked in an intense Agni Kai with Korra. I did not have time to wonder why he would be battling the Avatar. The Assassins were picking off babies left and right. The Olympian gods were taking on droves of babies at a time. The Fire Nation incinerated whole battalions in an inferno, Team Avatar one  and two helping. And Link was using every sort of weapon in his arsenal.

Such a valiant fighting, though everywhere I looked there were only praying mantis babies. The Praying Mantis Baby was nowhere in sight.

At last, I spotted Gizmo near the back of the praying mantis baby army with her horde of demon scorpion children of the corn.

“Down there!” I told Appa.

We soared downward, Appa airbending praying mantis babies out of the way. I leapt to the ground, clipping my sax to my neck strap. I put my sax to my lips and took a deep breath. As loudly as I could, I played a D. An inferno erupted from the bell of my sax and burned the demon scorpion children from around Gizmo. Nothing was left but smoking piles of ash.

“Now that we’re alone,” I said, slowly approaching her. “I think it’s time we finished this. Come on, now. You and me – Agni Kai!”

Grimly, Gizmo accepted. Appa drew a large circle in the snow for our arena and we went to opposite poles. I knelt, facing away from Gizmo, as was custom, and took a deep breath. Appa roared – our signal to begin – and I whirled around, while simultaneously bringing my saxophone up. I blasted her first, but she ducked, swinging her arms like a windmill and bending over backwards.

The color drained from my face.

“That’s right,” Gizmo said as she straightened. “I can see the Matrix. Prepare to have your mind–”

 In the time that she had been gloating, I’d closed the distance and punched her straight in the face. Eyes crossing, Gizmo fell backward – out cold.

“Did you see that coming?” I gloated loudly. “That’s how we do it in the Fire Nation!”

All right, now off to fight The Praying Mantis Baby, I thought.

I hopped aboard Appa and soared off. I met up with Jon, who was standing victorious over Korra. He had won his Agni Kai.

As we landed, Jon declared loudly, “I AM THE AVATAR!”

I walked up to them, bending to take a closer look at Korra. “She’s not…?”

“No, no. I just took her bending for myself. Now I’m not longer a pseudo-Avatar with just water and fire. Now I am a true Avatar!”

I gave him a high five. “Good for you!”

With that, Jon and I boarded Appa and went off in search of the other Squad members.

#16: The Prophecy

With the Army gathered, we set off for the Siberian Plateau to start the epic battle for the end. Though before we could exit our base, a giant bear went barreling through the door and began rampaging around the base.

“Whoa!” I shouted as it overtook Hannah, possibly killing her — though not really.

The sound of my voice attracted the bears attention. It’s large had snapped toward me and I realized with shock that the bear was wearing large round glasses, magnifying its eyes and a bug-like way. Suddenly, it stopped its rampage, sat down, and continued to stare at me inquisitively.

“Link — turn into a wolf and talk to it,” I commanded.

Link did so and Midna quickly reported that the bear had a prophecy for us.

Apollo was highly offended. “I’m the one that gives prophecies! She is no Oracle of Delphi!”

“All right, whatever,” I said. Slowly, I approached the bear.

Suddenly, the bear's eyes turned green and it started spewing green smoke. A hoarse, raspy voice spoke:

“The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord Praying Mantis Baby approaches… Born as the ninth month dies… And the Dark Lord Praying Mantis Baby will mark her as his equal, but she will have power the Dark Lord Praying Mantis Baby knows not… And either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives…”

With that, the smoke dissipated and the bear collapsed.

The room had suddenly gone cold — and not just because Global Cooling hit. Everyone was staring at me, their expressions a mixture of revulsion, awe, and confusion.

Fed up, I threw my hands up in the air. “We don’t have time for this. The bear said what it was going to say. Let’s just go. The longer we wait, the less likely Brandon is still alive.”

The ticking clock forced everyone to agree.

And so, the Anti-Praying Mantis Baby Squad, Team Avatar one and two, the Assassin Brotherhood, the Jedi’s, Thunder Orca, Link, the Fire Nation, and the Olympian gods set off for the Siberian Plateau. This time there’d be no traps, no gimmicks, no pranks, and no escape. Only fighting and an end.

Although there were only 300 of us in all, we took up a large amount of space. We marched into a large gorge in the landscape where there only two entries. We set up her barracks and barriers, and began calling the praying mantis babies to us. They could smell the opportunity for a fight and were eager for blood and gore. From the other entrance of the gorge swarmed thousands upon thousands of praying mantis babies, the sound of their scuffling pincer-like legs filled our ears like the droning of cicadas in the summer. Once our armies were about thirty yards apart, they stopped. Gizmo, The Praying Mantis Baby, Mrs. Stone, and a newcomer stood out in front.

“Who are you?” Hannah demanded of the newcomer.

“I am Anne of the Brotherhood,” spoke a voice insider heads. From what I could tell, her lips had not moved.

“Telepathy,” Mitch hissed. “She’s a mutant.”

“Correct, Jedi.”

“All right — so they got a new team member. Woop-de-doo,” I grumbled impatiently. Thoughts of the poison and the prophecy echoed through my mind. “Let’s end this quickly!”

My fellow Squad members nodded.

Yelling our battle cries, our armies rushed forward like two great tsunami waves crashing against each other. A resounding din range through the gorge as weapons met exoskeletons and pincers met flesh.

I saw Gizmo trying to slip away in the chaos.

“Gizmo is mine!” I called to my fellow Squad members fighting beside me.

None of them argued.

I broke free from the mass of praying mantis babies and sprinted after Gizmo, burning away any baby in my way. Within a few seconds, I caught up to her, grabbed her arm, and judo-flipped her flat on the ground. I pressed my knee on her chest.

“Where’s the antidote!” I demanded.

“I — I had it!” She stammered as she struggled for breath. “I don’t have it with me!”

“What!” I growled in outrage.

“You have to let me live if you ever want it!”

I ground my teeth together, apoplectic with rage. “Fine!” I roared. I grabbed a fistful of her shirt and heaved her toward my army. “I’m taking you as a prisoner of war!”

#15: The Great Gathering of Armies

While aboard the spaceship shaped like the moon with a scary face on it, Hannah, Mitch, Jon and I began coming up with a new plan with the help of Athena, Korra, and Yoda. Hannah and Jon claimed that they had already obtained the Triforce of Wisdom and Courage and those Triforces were locked away inside them. The Triforce the Power, they said, was locked away inside Brandon Lau, a former member of the marching band.

Athena relayed a prophecy to us from Apollo stating that in order to defeat The Praying Mantis Baby, we needed to rescue Brandon and unite the Triforce. However, to do this, we would need a massive army.

It was decided that it would be best if we split up to go gather an army from each of our genres and universes. Mitch and Yoda went in the Millennium Falcon to gather the greatest warriors of his galaxy far, far away. Hannah and Athena journeyed to Mount Olympus to gather the gods. Korra and I went to go gather the Team Avatars. Jon went by himself to find other miscellaneous heroes and alert the Brotherhood tour coming battle.

Hannah taught us how to travel in time so we could safely gather everyone without disrupting the space-time continuum.

In a galaxy far, far away, but not so far away is to make an impossible to get there and back in time for the battle, Mitch and Yoda began their trip by visiting Naboo. There, they gathered a middle-aged Obi Wan, a young, non-evil Anakin, and the rest of the Jedi’s, including a very awesome Mace Windu. Next, they traveled forward in time a little over 15 years, to the planet Tatooine where they picked up a trained Luke, an unfrozen Han, and Chewbacca.

Upon meeting Anakin, Louis exclaimed, “Daddy?” in surprise.

Anakin was nonplussed.

“Not yet your father he is, mmm,” Yoda explained.

Then Mitch and the rest journey back to Earth.

Meanwhile, Hannah and Athena soared and a pegasus-pulled chariot to Mount Olympus. There, they rushed past the palaces and shrines of the gods to the throne room where all of the gods were already gathered. Athena had sent an iris-message before they had departed. After Hannah explained her predicament to the gods, the throne room erupted into heated debate. However, while the other gods were arguing, Zeus met his daughter’s eyes and slowly tilted his head in assent. The other gods broke off immediately.

“It is decided,” Zeus said. “The gods will help the Anti-Praying Mantis Baby Squad. Go forth Athena, Apollo, Artemis, Poseidon, Aries, and Hephaestus. Helps my daughter win.”

“Hold on!” Harold protested. “I will go fight.”

“No, my wife. The battlefield is no place for you. Remember the Trojan war?”

With that, all arguments ceased. Hannah on the other gods departed for a base in the Aral Sea. However, scorned that she was not chosen to fight, Queen Hera cursed Hannah. At the most inconvenient time, hero would unleash her herds of cattle from their range and send them to strike down the hero Hannah that had spurned her help.

Meanwhile, Korra and I ventured to Republic City on Korra's polar bear-dog. Republic City turned out to actually be Dub P, though completely remodeled. How long had I been battling The Praying Mantis Baby? I wondered. There, we quickly found Bolin, Mako, and Tenzin at the Pro-Bending arena (we left Asami behind). Then, we traveled into the past and gathered the original Team Avatar. We caught them while preparing for the Day of Black Sun. The nice part was that Prince Zuko was in town, as well as the Boulder, and the Fire Nation had yet to be defeated, so I recruited all my old bandies.

The Boulder was hesitant to join.

“What’s the matter Boulder?” I asked patronizingly. “Scared to get your butt kicked by little baby?”

“The Boulder takes issue with that comment!” The Boulder shouted, thrusting a finger threateningly at me. 

“The Boulder were smashed that baby in a rock-alanche!”

And so, I had all of my recruits. We climbed aboard Appa, the sky-bison, and flew off toward the Aral Sea. On the way, we caught up with Jon in Hyrule. He looked troubled. Gathered by him were the Links from several of the Legend of Zelda games.

“What’s the matter Jon?” I asked.

“Well, I can take all of them. They won’t fit.” Jon sighed. “But I can’t decide which Link to take.”

I appraised the Links.

“I think I’m going to go with Ocarina of Time adult Link,” Jon said.

“No! If I have to listen to Navi for one moment, I’m going to burn that fairy!” I protested. “Go with Twilight Princess Link. Midna is moderately less annoying and he learned all the hidden skills from the dead guy. Plus, he turns into a wolf!”

“Sold!”

We quickly shoved Twilight Princess Link in Appa’s saddle with everyone else and took off toward our base.

#14: Eaten by the Moon

Now that we were assassins, Hannah, Mitch, Jon and I began coming up with a new plan. Thanks to our assassin training, our minds were now installed the trusty maps which included memory start icons for where we needed to begin. Hannah and Jon, having in the meantime gone an adventure to the land of Creative Writing, had acquired a vast knowledge and the ability to shape shift and teleport.

"Form of!" Hannah cried raising her fist in the air. "A Dragon!"

"Form of!" Jon repeated, holding his fist to Hannah’s. "Another Dragon!"

In a burst of fire, Hannah turned into a bright blue, electricity-spouting dragon, large enough to carry the rest of us. My firebending instincts told me to kill her immediately (killing a dragon would bring me great honor back home in the Fire Nation), 

but I resisted. Likewise, Jon turned into a deep red dragon. It was rather odd, but Mitch and I climbed onto our respective dragons and we flew off toward the memory star icon, which was located in the distant land of Hyrule.

We set down in a large, dense forest. The air was emitting strange music that was extremely repetitive, but oddly catchy. After Jon and Hannah changed back into humans, we silently began following the music through the clutter of trees and shrubs, stumbling upon green and blue jewels in tall grasses, until we finally came into a clearing. Surrounding us were large, inescapable hedges, and in the center of the clearing, there on a tree stump, sat a girl with lime green hair, busily tooting on an ocarina.

We approached and she stopped playing when she noticed us. She smiled. Below her, appeared a gray, translucent box. On it, scrolled green letters.

  Oh, hello! My name is Saria!

Press A

I looked at Hannah, Mitch and Jon hesitantly. Tentatively, I stepped forward and pressed the A on the box. The text disappeared, replaced by new words.

Do you have a question?

Ø      Where's Link

  Ø    What's going on?!

 Ø      Where am I?!! 

Still slightly confused, Hannah selected the "Where's Link" option.

  My friend Link went to go fight The Praying Mantis Baby. 

You should go find him!

Press A

"And where would he be?" Mitch asked.

Saria didn't respond, but just continued to smile while she swayed back and forth slightly.

"Whoops, hold on," Mitch said. He pressed A.

He somewhere near Lake Hylia!

Press A

"All right! Thanks!" I said hurriedly.

Hannah and Jon turn into two different Eponas and we rode off through Hyrule Field.

We found Link about to jump into the lake, wearing an outfit that made him look like a dolphin. Jon quickly waterbent the lake to ice, and Link smacked splat on it. Hannah, Mitch, Jon and I approached hastily, wielding our various weapons.

Startled, Link was engulfed in rotating black squares and from them emerged a wolf. It growled ferociously, showing ridiculously large canines.

"Whoa! When we get into Twilight Princess? I thought this was Ocarina of Time!" I shouted.

Sitting on the wolf's back was a blue and black imp-looking thing with a weird hat. Another box appeared, this time with blue letters. Weird gibberish came out of the imp's mouth while the box read:

If you're looking for The Praying Mantis Baby, 

it already took the Triforce of Power and 

escaped through the Mirror of Twilight.

Press A 

"Darn it!" I cursed. "It’s always a step ahead of us!”

“Great pumpkin pie!” Mitch cried suddenly, pointing up at the sky.

Confused, looked up and saw a giant man with a face to sending toward the earth. A large, ugly grimace was imprinted on the moon’s face, its eyes bloodshot and bulging.

“When did this become Majora’s Mask?” I demanded.

From the moon’s mouth shot a beam of light, engulfing us in weightlessness. Hannah, Jon, Mitch and I lifted off the ground, leaving a confused looking Link behind. Slowly, the beam started pulling us toward the mouth of the moon.

“What’s going on?” Hannah cried as we whirled around in endless circles in the air.

“Don’t panic! It’s a tractor beam!” Mitch explained — the only calm one in the group.

The mouth opened and we were pulled in. The light turned off and as our eyes adjusted, it revealed not the disgusting, saliva and teeth infested place I had been expecting, but a high-tech spaceship. All around us were dashboards of blinking lights, gauges, and knobs humming softly. In the center of the room was a large, round table. Standing in front of it to greet us was a green midget with long ears, a gray-eyed woman with a large shield, and an extremely tan teenage girl from the Water Tribe.

But that didn’t make any sense. The Fire Nation had long defeated the Water Tribe of the North and South. There shouldn’t have been anyone left.

While Hannah, Jon and I stood there in shock and confusion, Mitch rushed forward and scooped the midget up in his arms.

“Master!” He said delightedly.

“Drop me you must. Germaphobe I am,” the midget complained.

“It’s so good to see you Master Yoda!” Mitch continued as he set Yoda down. “I never thought I’d see another Jedi!”

“Good to see you, young padawan, it is,” affirmed Yoda.

After this happy reunion, Hannah suddenly dropped to her hands and knees. “Pallas Athena! I can’t believe it’s you!”

Fiery-eyed Athena just smiled and said, “It is. Our Father sent me to help you.”

Confused, I assessed these reunions. Mitch and Hannah had both been reunited with masters and mentors (or siblings if you wanted to think about Hannah being in the same league as a goddess), which meant that the teenager standing in front of Jon and me must somehow be related to us. I decided to take the initiative.

“So,” I addressed her. “You’re from the Water Tribe?"

“Yep,” she said simply, crossing her arms. “Name’s Korra.”

“But I thought —“

“You thought wrong,” she said. Without prompting, she struck a fighter stance and raised her fist in the air. “I’m the Avatar! You gotta deal with it!”

Jon and I looked at each other in surprise. He looks slightly pale and sick, which I was sure I reciprocated.

“But,” Jon stammered. “The — the ice…”

Korra waved dismissively. “Oh, that was Aang. I’m the new Avatar.”

I shook my head. “But that means… What about Fire Lord Dukart?”

“Defeated.”

“The Fire Nation?”

“It’s a republic now.”

Jon and I broke down and wept, grieving our loss nation.

#13: The Assassins

So fighting Ninja Pirates — not my idea of fun. I could hardly hit a single pirate as their ninja-reflexes helped them leap out of the way of my fire blasts. Jon was working overtime to drench the ninjas in water to aid in Hannah electrocuting them and to freeze their feet to the deck so Mitch and I could do our thing. Doctor Captain Commander Steve the Brick was sitting like a lump on the log off in the corner, trying to trip up any ninja pirate that came his way.

I singed off a pirate’s beard and he cried, "Oweee!"

Soon, the ninja pirates had us back to back, completely surrounded. We were all exhausted from trying keep up. Perhaps it was time to surrender. Just as I was about to lay down my saxophone, we heard a distant eagle caw.

"Daddy?" Hannah exclaimed and confusion, scanning the skies.

But the threat didn’t come from the skies. As we were distracted searching for our supposed back up, ninja pirates were dropping like flies. All around us, people in white hoods were tackling the pirates and jamming hidden blades into their throats. Before Hannah, Mitch, Jon, Doctor Captain Commander Steve the Brick or I knew it, all of the Ninja Pirates were dead and we are encircled by numerous white-hooded people.

Gizmo was at the door for captain's quarters, looking stunned.

The eldest of the white-hooded people pointed at her and three others immediately chased after her. Before they could reach her however, she jumped overboard. The white-hooded people left her alone, considering that we were currently in the middle of the Pacific.

With the threat neutralized, the eldest hooded person approached us and said in a deep silky voice, with an amazingly attractive Italian accent, "I am Ezio Auditore da Firenze. Are you all right?"

Completely stunned, we nodded, mouths agape.

"What are you?" Hannah asked in amazement.

"We are assassins, devoted to fighting corruption and protecting the innocent," Ezio explained. "This is the G3 Creative Writing class. They are trained in the ways of the assassin and are part of my Brotherhood. The Praying Mantis Baby destroyed their home and they seek to liberate it."

Mitch nodded slowly. "Okay. But what brings you here?"

"We have been researching ways to kill praying mantis babies and have documented it in the Federal Air Marshal Handbook; a.k.a., the gospel of all things Federal Marshal. One of our fellow assassins was killed in an airplane on the way here. The book was taken from him. We wanted back."

Hannah gasped and whipped out a book. "I was on the flight! I have the book."

"Molto bene," Ezio said, obviously relieved.

"So wait," I said, trying to process this. "You know how to kill praying mantis babies?"

He nodded. "Sì."

We dropped to her knees and full out begged, "TEACH US!"

"All right, but first you'll need to become assassins. For that, you will need my training, dedication, discipline, and skill. You must follow our creed."

I giggled happily, jumping up and down clapping my hands, but Hannah and Mitch withdrew the right hands suspiciously.

"You don't do that thing are cutting thing anymore, right?" Hannah asked.

"No — is not necessary anymore."

I did an excited fist-pump and declared, "Let's get training!"

And so, over the next few months, we trained vigorously under the great Ezio Auditore. For every lesson of the body we learned, there were several more of the mind. There were so many ways to kill a praying mantis baby, but the true fight was defeating The Praying Mantis Baby. In that, we learn that teamwork was important.

Finally, near the end of December, our training was finished. Hannah, Mitch, Jon and I (Doctor Captain Commander Steve the Brick had to go back to his naval ship) stood before an audience of other Assassins.

"Nothing is true; everything is permitted," we repeated in unison.

From a roaring fire, Ezio withdrew a blacksmiths clamp, glowing red-hot. We extended our hands and Ezio burned the Assassin symbol on our fingers, forever designating us as Assassins.

"Let the liberation begin!" Ezio declared.