After the failure trying to lure the
praying mantis babies to us with a praying mantis daddy carcass and watching
Jon be captured by our enemies, Hannah, Mitch and I escaped back to our base.
In the middle of the Aral Sea, it was praying mantis baby-proof (babies can’t
swim). We started coming up with a new plan, though we were feeling pretty down
on ourselves.
Some heroes we were.
“We should just send all those babies to
Tartartus,” Hannah grumbled, gripping her spear tightly. “If only Hera hadn’t
cursed me!”
“If only the Avatar wasn’t frozen in a
block of ice somewhere,” I sighed.
“If only all the other Jedis were in a
galaxy far far away,” Mitch cried, shaking his fists in the air.
We all sighed heavily. It appeared as
though we wouldn’t be getting any help. Sullenly, we delved into silence,
struggling to think of our next move. What I really craved at the moment, was a
bit of Criminal Minds to remind me there were worse evils than praying mantis
babies…
“I’ve got it!” I declared suddenly.
The other two heroes looked up
dejectedly.
I explained, “We make a TV and lure the
babies there by showing a marathon of the Wiggles!”
“We don’t have TVs anymore. It’s too
cold for them to function,” Hannah said blandly.
“Then we bring in a technical genius!”
The next day, we went to the lands of
Mörön, Mongolia to see about the one named Gizmo. I had heard of her back in
the Fire Nation. She was wanted by some of the freshman back home for various
black-market dealings.
Her lair was guarded by demon scorpion
children of the corn – volatile things, with large tails protruding from behind
them and claws for hands. Gizmo only fed them corn, but what they really craved
was beef. We presented gifts of electrocuted beef to sate their slobbering
hunger.
With the demon scorpion children
distracted, Hannah, Mitch and I made our way into the underground layer. We
came to an open room, with other, less primordial scorpion children standing
guard in tight leather clothing. A single large, executive office chair sat
before a roaring fire.
“Oh mighty Gizmo!” I said, addressing
the back of a fancy office chair. “We need your help. The praying mantis baby
army grows by the day!”
The chair swiveled around, revealing a
girl wearing strange sunglasses. She held her hands together before her face in
a brooding manor.
“Before I help you with anything,” she
said, “I must test you. Here I have two gummies. One will take you back to the
Fire Nation and you’ll forget all about the army. The other will show just you
how deep the praying mantis baby cave goes. Choose wisely.”
On a small side table, sat two gummies
indeed. One was shaped like the Fire Nation emblem, the other, like a praying
mantis. I didn’t hesitate. I took the praying mantis baby gummy. It tasted like
cherries.
Gizmo grinned menacingly. “What can I do
for you?”
I was still chewing the gummy, so Hannah
answered, “Can you build us a TV that can survive the cold?”
“What do I look like? A technical
genius?” she asked, incredulous. “I can’t build TVs but I can make you a net
made from the strongest fibers.”
“Fibers of what?” Mitch asked.
“Scorpion child spit.”
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