#6: Being in a Sack of Children

So being in a sack of children wasn’t fun. Not only were the sophomores crying obnoxiously, but someone’s elbow was in my ribcage, my saxophone reed was broken, and whomever’s foot was near my face needed a pedicure. This wasn’t exactly my entire of a “good time”.

“All right! I’ve had enough!” I declared after about an hour in the sack. I forced my way to the bottom of the sack, not caring that elbow one too many faces on the way. “I’m blasting a hole in this thing!”

“No! You can’t!” Hannah shouted irritably from somewhere amid the sophomores. I caught sight of her foot twitching. “Remember what Gizmo said? Demon scorpion child spit is fire proof!”

Things weren’t fire-proof. They were fire resistant. I figured if I resisted the net harder than it resisted fire, it could work. I only managed to singe the nearest sophomore’s eyebrows clean off. I growled in exasperation and yelled, “Well, Ms. All-Mighty Child of Zeus! You blast a hole in it!”

“I can’t!” she replied irritably. “The net conducts electricity. We’ll all die.”

“Mitch?” I asked, looking for him.

“On it,” he called from the other side of the net.

He whipped out his light saber. I heard the trademark buzzing noise, something that sounded like a cat getting its tail stepped on, and a curse of: “Great nacho cheese! It must be Xenon gas resistant as well! My saber won’t hurt it!”

The sophomores continued to wail woefully.

“Do you know where we are?” Hannah asked.

“No, I don’t have x-ray vision.” I said peevishly.

“What are we going to do?” Hannah continued, oblivious to the worsening mood of the sack. “We’re stuck in a sack of children being taken somewhere by an evil creative writing teacher and the praying mantis babies could be anywhere.”

“That lousy, no-good Gizmo!” I grumbled. “We should have never trusted her. She set us up!”

“Whenever I see her again – POW! Right in the kissa!” Hannah declared. Everyone in the bag received a mild electric shock.

“Violence is not the answer,” Mitch said faintly.

“SHUT UP!” Hannah and I shouted.

Suddenly, we hit the ground hard. All of the sophomores landed on top of us. The sack opened in a burst of light and Mrs. Stone peered at us. Another person was there as well – an old dude with moon-shaped spectacles and a glorious beard.

“Welcome to Hogwarts,” Dumbledore said. “We need you to guard the Philosopher’s Stone.”