#4: Hannah Wants to YOLO

Demon scorpion child of the corn spit smelled pretty bad – that was all I had to say. Yet, Gizmo wove that stuff into an awesome net without any nose plugs. The stuff was so noxious smelling I was afraid to firebend in case I would blow up the entire place.

Gizmo’s lair was pretty posh, reminiscent of Austin Power’s penthouse. It was like a fried chicken dinner with all the fixings. There were plenty of rooms for us to sleep in, with pelts of different animals laid out on them, a dance-floor complete with a disco ball, and a kitchen staffed by renowned chef, Bobby Flay.

While the net was being woven, Hannah was having a nice conversation with Jon on Facebook. It was good to know he’d survived. How he had managed to waterbend a computer with WiFi was beyond me. Mitch was practicing his Jedi moves by jumping around the demon scorpion children of the corn lair like an acrobat, looking like Yoda battling Count Dooku.

On the other hand, I didn’t know what to do with myself. I had already polished my uniform and saxophone, tried to chat of a demon scorpion child (I wound up dodging the things tail), and I even went to help Gizmo with the net. Without anything else to do, I began coming up with a plan.

“Guys,” I said when we gathered for dinner. “We need to find the leader of the army.”

“But the net isn’t finished,” Hannah said.

“And what do you mean ‘leader’?” Mitch asked, putting air-quotes around the last word.

“I mean the original praying mantis baby.”

I spread out a map of Russia on the table and began explaining my plan.

The next day, we donned our gear and set out, looking for the jail in Siberia where the praying mantis baby had been conceived. Now I really wished Siberia was a town and not a region – it would have been simpler that way. Somehow, we managed to find the town, Bodaybo. We began our investigation by knocking on doors to ask the locals some questions. No one answered until a small, kindly old man did. He invited us into his house.

“Have you lived in Bodaybo for a while?” Hannah asked an elderly man as we sat down at a small table in his house.

The man nodded. “Yes, yes. I am the town doctor.”

“Oh then you must have delivered a lot of babies!” I noted, growing excited.

“A… a few,” he replied charily. “Bodaybo isn’t a very – how do you say? – hip town. Not many youngsters.”

“Well, you must know of a specific birth we’re talking about,” Hannah began, unaware of the change in the old man’s demeanor. “You must have been there when the praying mantis baby was born.”

The old man slammed his fist down on the table. “You get out of my house right now!”

We didn’t need to be told twice. Hannah, Mitch and I rushed out of his house, the old man following us with his cane. Once outside, the old man shouted, “They want to know about the baby! Kill them!”

Apparently, the townspeople weren’t as aloof and isolated as we thought they had been. As soon as they heard the old man’s shout, they stormed from their houses, carrying pitchforks and torches.

“Great cheesecake fritter!” Mitch exclaimed, as they chased us.

“You guys go!” Hannah shouted, producing her golden spear and raising it to the sky. “The child of Zeus has got this!”

We didn’t have time to argue about it as a great bolt of lightning struck the ground before the townspeople. The dazzling light temporarily blinded everyone in a hundred yard radius. Mitch and I stumbled over each other, still trying to flee. The townspeople, however, were only dazed. Hannah – exhausted from summoning the lightning – could not get out of the way before the townspeople overtook her.

“Hannah!” I yelled, knowing she must have been dead. I skidded to a halt and started to get my saxophone in working order. “Come on! We have to save her!”

“Wait for it,” Mitch said, holding up a finger.

“You know what Mitch?! Don’t be the it in wait for it!” I cried, enraged he wasn’t going to help me. “I’m not going to lose Hannah like I did Jon!”

Mitch just shook his head, sticking his hands in his sleeves like all Jedis did when  they weren’t in a hurry. I ignored him and began charging back toward the mass of townspeople.

“Get back you crazy Russians!” I bellowed, whacking a farmer over the head with my sax.

Hannah popped out of the mass and said, “I’m not dead!”

I stopped dead in my tracks. “What the–?”

“See, Hannah wants to YOLO, but she’s immortal,” Mitch explained.

“But… what?” I stuttered, befuddled.

“No time to explain!” Hannah called as she broke free of the Russians. “Let’s go!”